Understanding introverts in the church
We live in a world which values extroverts very highly. School children are marked on contributions in class. Job interview processes always include evidence of teamwork. TV shows and movies portray typical social lives as being dominated by attending parties and large social gatherings. We all love someone who loves people and is in their element when spending all of their time with people.
Yet not everyone is wired in this way. I am an introvert. Now, if you know me, perhaps that would surprise you. My job is a people job. I love to spend time with people. Being an introvert does not mean that I want to spend all of my time in a darkened room by myself. Introversion and extroversion are not defined by whether you are a “people person” or not. The difference is about what charges your batteries, what drains you and what recharges you. Extroverts are charged by being with people; they can spend all day with people and only want more at the end. Introverts are recharged by being alone, away from people. Spending a lot of time with other people, while fun and useful and important, drains the batteries of an introvert. They will then need time to recover after spending time with people and cannot do it all the time.
Of course, there are great strengths to being an introvert! Introverts find it easier to spend significant time reading and thinking alone, the kind of thing that many extroverts struggle to concentrate on.
Knowing that not everyone is an extrovert should influence how we organise church. Church is a family and a gathering of people. We should not reduce church to some online streaming option where we can avoid people altogether and just watch the service on a screen; that is going too far. Yet we should understand that not everyone loves large groups. Some people won’t engage as much with groups or at morning tea time, and that doesn’t mean that they are inferior church members.
If you are an introvert, much of church might be draining to you. And that’s fine. There is a cost to attending church, but it is a cost worth paying. After a morning spent with my church family and all the conversations that happen there, I am exhausted and wiped out for much of the afternoon. Yet it is worth it. Encouraging others, praying with others, hearing about their lives and struggles and talking about Jesus are all immensely valuable.
Are you intimidated by the very idea of morning tea after church? Extroverts look at the random gathering of people and are filled with glee. Introverts can look on this gathering with fear. All these people I don’t know; where do I start? Here’s my advice: you don’t need to talk to everyone in the room. Just choose one person you don’t yet know and talk to them. Have a longer and deeper conversation with one person; you don’t need to work the room and speak to 25 different people. You can make a big difference to one person even if spending time with people is difficult for you.
We must not use our introversion, or our shyness, to avoid people. People are made in God’s image and God’s people are also being formed into the likeness of Christ. God’s family needs all kinds of people in it. Even if you are not the life of the party, you can make a significant contribution to the church family.