Talking about God as a family and not only just ‘ticking the box’
All Christian parents would love to have their kids learn about God and come to love him for themselves in good time. If trusting in Jesus is the central thing in our lives, of course we would like to pass that on to our children. And like all other things we want our children to learn, this will require some sustained teaching, discussion, and time.
This is, however, not a blog post intended to make you feel guilty about not doing family devotions with your kids enough. I want us to consider that passing on our faith to the next generation is more than the formal devotional times that might be part of our family calendars. Sure, there is real benefit in having a dedicated time for family Bible reading and prayer and instruction. Please do this! But there is a danger to thinking that if we do this in some regular way, we have ‘done’ family discipleship.
I grew up in a Christian family. As part of the rhythm of being in this family, we had a brief devotion together after dinner every night. This was using a devotional book. We read the couple of verses for the day, the couple of paragraphs explaining this from whoever wrote the devotional guide, then we read the one or two line prayer at the end. It was a regular thing. I am sure some of this stuck in my mind over time.
Yet we never discussed it. We just read it. When I was a teenager, I started asking questions about the devotional content or the Bible reading. Yet my parents didn’t really engage so much with the questions. They were very faithful in our devotion time, but I am sure that they thought that they had ‘done’ family discipleship by reading the devotional book. In the end, I found many answers and deeper discussion in other places, like Christian university groups and reading many Christian books.
Family discipleship needs to be more than ticking a box or a formal structure. Look at how faithful families were encouraged to do this way back in Deuteronomy 6, thousands of years ago:
7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
(Deut. 6:7-9 ESV)
This is describing more than a formal instruction session. This is sharing all aspects of life together and talking about them. How does trusting God influence your health, your work, your relationships, and your money? When your children ask questions of you, does your faith in God shine through in your answers?
Parenting is a long series of opportunities to influence your children. And it is in the informal conversations that your character and what matters to you shines out the most. Look for opportunities to talk about God and faith when you are talking about how school went today, or when you are working through whatever issue your kids face at the moment. Demonstrate that your faith changes how you see the world, not just what you do on Sundays and in devotion times.
The danger is that we communicate the wrong thing if we limit our instruction to devotion times. We set up the idea that the God part of our life is in the formal bits – like family devotions and church – and the rest of our life we live how we like. Trusting Jesus takes all our strength and all our heart, and we should try to communicate that to our kids.
Some speak of the importance of ‘quality time’ with your children. Yet this does not happen without ‘quantity time’. As you spend lots of time with your kids, opportunities to talk about God and issues of faith will come up. And often in unexpected places, like on the drop off to sports practice or late at night. Look for those opportunities. And pray that God might change their hearts, answer their questions, and help them to trust in our Father for themselves.