Parents need to parent their children
There are few things more complicated in this world than parenting. Every set of parents is different. Every child is different. Every culture does things differently. This makes it difficult to see general wise principles when it comes to parenting. Yet there is a key principle that I fear is often not considered enough.
Your child is not the centre of the world.
Is that controversial? Many Christian parents would agree with this in principle. After all, we know that our primary calling is to love God with all our hearts, then our neighbours as ourselves. Yet, in practice, it is so easy to arrange our lives so our children get whatever they want and dominate our lives more than anything else. Our natural instinct is to support and encourage and want the best for our children. What is best for them is not to be coddled and spoiled.
Parents need to remember that we are the parent. It is our job to guide and direct and instruct. As Paul puts it in Ephesians with reference to fathers:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4 ESV)
Discipline requires effort and training. Instruction requires time and effort to explain and teach things. All of this requires modelling and intentional effort.
Let’s consider a few of the implications of this principle:
Part of bringing children up is to make them do things they don’t want to do
Your child is not always right. They will make mistakes and bad decisions. They will want things that are bad for them. Parents need to guide with this. If we always cave to their food requests or avoid doing things that they don’t like, we are being parented by our children.
Your job is not always to make them happy
No-one wants to see their child unhappy. Yet if they never have to do chores (that no-one likes) or activities they prefer to avoid (like going to the shops) they are not learning. Life is not only about us as individuals. Being part of a family, and a community, means doing things you wouldn’t personally choose at times. This needs to be learnt and modelled.
Your child is not always right
Children make poor choices. Most primary school kids would only eat biscuits or chocolate if they were in charge. Many would not want to go to school. It is fine to contradict your children.
Your whole life should not revolve around your children
If you never have time for friends after you have children, that can be a warning sign. You should have a life and interests outside your children. You go to so much of their activities; they should also learn to come to things you like that they would not choose to do.
God must have the priority
If your children are the highest priority, it is so easy for God to slip down the list. Make Bible reading and prayer a regular godly habit. Make church something you prioritise. Children see what matters to you, and your example and direction here is critical.
You should be friends with your children. You should love them and encourage them. Yet there will be times when you need to parent them, not only befriend them.
Parenting is such hard work, and it includes so many factors like culture, our own upbringing, the personality of the child and more. It is a noble and important task! If you have the privilege of being a parent, do it with enthusiasm and wisdom.