“I don’t have anything in common with the people in the church!”

I have heard people say that they don’t feel that they feel connected to the local church family that they go to because there is no-one there who is like them. Perhaps this could be said by a young person in a church mainly populated by middle-aged or older believers. Perhaps this could be said by a single woman in a church with many couples. Or even by someone who loves hip-hop music where no-one else in church cares for that style at all!

On the surface, this complaint seems reasonable. We should feel connected and united with the people in our local church. Yet I feel that this complaint is ill-advised. It places church unity on the level of shared interests and demographics, which in the end is too shallow a foundation altogether. If we all approached church in this way, we would divide local churches essentially into groups that would spend time together anyway, rather than distinctive communities united around the gospel.

Tim Keller wrote something on this topic that made me take notice in his great little commentary ‘Galatians for You’. Keller noted that the average Christian white professional New Yorker had more in common with a Christian nomadic tribesman in Mongolia than with other white professional New Yorkers who are not Christian. That seems wrong when you first read it, doesn’t it? If you spend time with others in your own culture and socio-economic status, even if they are not Christian, surely you have a lot in common? Well, yes, but only on the outside. Eating the same food, living in the same neighbourhoods, and following the same sporting teams all seem unifying things. But they are shallow, on the surface. In a deeper sense, in terms of values and hopes for the future and the way you see yourself and others, any two Christians are more comprehensively united than any two people of the same demographic group and culture. That Christian nomadic herdsman might look completely different, but if he loves Jesus and trusts Him as his Lord and Saviour, he is closer than a friend, he is your brother.

Jesus unites people so much more deeply than shared interests ever could. If you know you are a sinner saved by Jesus alone, that puts you on the same level as all other Christians. And you can and should be able to share a church and real fellowship with any other Christian.

How does this influence the complaint about people in church having nothing in common with you? It means you have more commonality than what you think. You can indeed be deeply connected with people in your church that look very unlike you.

I serve a church family where few people are like me. I am an Australian of Dutch heritage; most of the congregation were born overseas and are of Asian heritage. I love football and cricket; almost no-one in my church shares those interests. I love to read literary novels; many of those I call brothers and sisters in Christ never read a book. Does that mean I don’t belong or should feel on the outside? By no means! I am deeply united to them as family because of Jesus. And, over time, I have learnt a lot about Chinese and Indian culture, different professions, and different families. The unity I share with them because of Jesus leads to a richer experience as we also share the more surface issues we have that differ from one another.

How can we move to expressing this deep connection better? Here are a few ideas:

1. Talk about Jesus and spiritual things more. Christians should talk about God and what they learnt in the Bible last week and how they plan to serve God in the week to come. That would make sense if Jesus is truly central to our lives. Yet often we only speak about surface things, sport and work and family, and not faith. If we spoke about the more important issues, we would find more commonality with other Christians.
2. We need to listen well to other Christians, keen to connect. Let me use family for an example. If you have a sister who loves a certain band that you hate, you will still end up listening to her speak about that band. Because you love your sister, you should listen to what she cares about. Likewise, don’t be too cavalier in your attitude to other Christians. Don’t refuse to listen to them speak about things you have no experience in. Listen with interest, ask questions, knowing they are really your brother or sister. It doesn’t matter if your surface interests are the same or not.
3. Reflect on the wonderful uniting power of the gospel. We are not in the same family, God’s family, because we all like the same things. Jews and Gentiles were told to unite in the same church family in the New Testament, and we could argue they had little in common. Yet they had the biggest thing in common, salvation in Jesus. Make the effort to connect with other Christians who are unlike you; this shows that you are valuing what matters most, far more than surface interests or demographics.