Dealing with suffering: the who matters far more than the why
The first thought most of us have when something unexpectedly bad happens is ‘why’? Why did this thing happen to me? Was it some kind of punishment for something I have done (like Job’s friends suggested in the middle of Job’s suffering)? Was it because I am a worse person than other people (as suggested in Luke 13:2)? Was it because of my family (John 9:2)?
There are many possible reasons why we would like to know the reason why things happen to us. Maybe we are angry and think that we deserve better than what we have received. Maybe we would like someone to blame for what is happening. Maybe it would be only to satisfy our curiosity. Whatever it is, all of us at some point have thought along these lines.
Job wanted to know why he lost his possessions and his children and his health. His friends thought they had a neat answer, but Job disagreed with their opinions. Later on, God made it clear that Job’s friends were incorrect despite their forceful assertions. In Job’s case, we know why he went through what he did: Satan intended to prove his faith was selfish, while God was proving his faith was real. Importantly, Job was never told why his troubles happened. He was shown God’s care and bigger perspective, but he never got a straight answer to the ‘why’ question.
The Bible gives us all kinds of other possible answers to the ‘why’ of suffering. (Don Carson’s classic book ‘How Long O Lord’ explores these well and in depth). Perhaps our difficulties are due to our sin, or the sin of those around us, or the actions of governments or organisations, or the sin and disorder in the wider world. When it comes to purpose, perhaps God is allowing these things to make us humble and dependent on Him, or to help us in our example to others, or to strengthen our faith. There are many possibilities, but we are not promised to be told which one applies to us.
Will knowing the answer to ‘why’ help as much as we think it would? Sure, maybe we would find things we could fix for the future, but it wouldn’t necessarily help us as we deal with whatever issue is before us at the moment. In many ways, it is better not to know the why, and to realise that we might not understand it with our limited minds and perspectives in any case. The more important thing is to know the ‘who’. God is in control of everything, and nothing happens outside his control. This means there is a purpose to what happens, even if we don’t know what it is.
In a big sense, God is acting for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). What is good for us might not always mean comfort or prosperity. Just like medical treatment for a disease might mean nastiness and side effects, perhaps what we need right now is to go through grief or pain or uncertainty. We don’t need to know the details of ‘why’; we need to trust in ‘who’ is in control of all of this. We are not going through this randomly but for a bigger purpose.
Just like a small child often needs to trust their parents without knowing all the details, so it is with us. We know who holds the future and who loves us; that is what matters in our pain so much more than knowing why.